Time

I've been wanting to post something over the past couple of days, but there have been so many things that I have wanted to say that I figured that it would probably be a post that was pages upon pages. But I thought to myself that you probably wouldn't take the time to read a really long post - unless of course you don't have a life and enjoy blog-stalking. ;) Just kidding!

Some things I have been learning/pondering/wrestling through:
- Repentance (What's the deal with this?)
- Yoke (Why is an egg so important?)
- Hope (This is kind of a repeat from a few months ago)
- Choosing God's best vs my best

This summer has been quite a great summer. When it first began I knew that God had some great big things to teach me. Or I guess I hoped that there was a purpose that this summer was going to have. You see, 2 months ago, I was learning about myself and the way that I approach relationships. God took away a relationship (hopefully only for a short time) and my hope & understanding of that time is so that I could learn more about me. Well, even if the outcome is not going to be how I would hope, I still know that it was not all in vain.

I am not sure if I wrote about Co-dependancy (or more appropriately termed "Fear of Man") but after some deep discovery, I realized that this is something that is hidden within my heritage. It has brought itself through the years, and is now in my hands. And I have a choice. I can learn from it, or I can continue through life with the same struggles as those who have gone before me & pass it down to my children. The problem with the "Fear of Man" is that it is disguised in many forms. It is disguised as low self-esteem, in unhealthy friendships, in unmet desires, in wanting others to like you, in living your life out of fear of someone else. Now, no, I am not "afraid" of man (or men), but rather as I have dug into my soul, I realized how much I live trying to please other people. But it also is masked with how sometimes my desire to unknowingly manipulate another person to try to get them to do something I want them to do.

The best part of all of this discovery, is the fact that as I look into some of my relationships, I can see the healthy ones - the relationships where they do not buy into this behavior. I have a friend who has not bought into one bit of my schemes to try to get them to like me. They have liked me genuinely from the beginning of our friendship. They have been quick to be kind to me, or say nice things to me. But the minute I started to manipulate them into hanging out with me, they just didn't respond. This could be God also preserving this relationship. Whatever the reason, I am grateful for the process that it is taking.

So as August moves closer, I can say that it has been a great summer! I still can't believe 6 months have moved through life so quickly, but this time has been truly fruitful. Praise God for the things He has shown me, as well as all the things he will show me in the future. God is Great and is to be praised for his mighty acts of power!