Crossroads

Here I am sitting here at a crossroads in my life. The only thing is, I'm not sure what my options are. I have thoughts of where I'd like to end up and ideas of how that could happen, but as I look at the options in front of me, I'm not sure either of them will be where I'd hope to be when this is all over.

Many times you hear people talk about how their lives never turned out looking the way they had planned. But, I wonder how much of their lives turned up with at least a glimpse of what they had planned? For the housewife who planned on becoming a pediatrician, but in the end is growing up her own children...Or the business executive who longed to be President. Both of these people, in essence, are doing what they had set out to be. For the mom, she longed to help kids - and she does. For the business executive, he wanted to write policies and lead others to success - and he does. In both instances, they both had a dream they hoped for, but the jobs they took on were much more different than they had planned, with very much the same result.

I think back in time when I was dreaming up ideas for the future with great dreams and aspirations...a time where when someone said I couldn't, I would look at them defiantly and say, "oh, yes I can!"

Growing up there were two things my dad valued the greatest - education and music. When each of us kids hit 4th grade, we would get the opportunity to take a summer school session to try out a whole host of instruments. One week we'd try the woodwinds - flutes & clarinets galore. The next we'd try the brass instruments. Then finally, we'd try the string instruments. During the first two weeks, I couldn't get past the vibration on my lips from the instruments, and never was able to push enough air through the instrument to even make the sound good. But you see, I think that was an excuse. As when I sat during my brother's middle school band concert, I was always so enamored by the vision of violin bows all going in the same direction. My brother told me that I would never want to play the violin because it was uncomfortable to twist your hand around "like so"...And there it was the message of can't...

I was sitting in that summer school classroom with so much anticipation to try that violin - because after all a) no one, I mean no one was going to tell me I couldn't (wouldn't want to) do something and b) those bows going in one direction were so beautiful! I can almost remember the first time I held that violin. The sound it made was something I couldn't compare it to. And it's beauty...

I was so proud to go to my brother to tell him how much I loved that thing (I really truly did - I played for 8 years after all). He really didn't care, but for me it was that exercise in independence. That step that defines much of who I am.

What happened to that self-confident 10 year old? I sometimes think that she'd be ashamed of who I've become. Someone who takes "no" at its first response, and refuses to fight for the things that she believes in. What does that say about tomorrow? What path am I going to choose? What changes are required of me to make these dreams a reality?

I think the real question is - what is the dream I want to come true among all things? Because I suppose, I can't decide on a path until I know which one I want the most.

Seeing Miracles

I have been longing to divulge some of my deepest thoughts and ideas lately, but have come up short with knowing what to say. That’s not to say that I haven’t had many things on my mind, but sharing them in a “helpful” way has been lost on me.

That old adage of saying, “if you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all” has been at the forefront of my mind as I look for a way to communicate with the googling population (can googling even be a verb?) the struggles I’ve encountered. But today, with a refreshed view of God’s purposes, I had something to share.

I’ve been meeting with some new friends and discussing God’s word, by looking at “Barbarians” of the bible. These people lived in a radically different way from the rest of society. They looked different (c’mon, wearing camel’s hair, really?!), acted different (eating locusts? Yikes!), and chose the difficult path to be obedient to God.

Last night, we discussed John the Baptist. (let me point out some irony, last Sunday’s service was about this very man – I suppose there is a lesson here, huh?)

In Matthew 3, it is clear that JTB (John the Baptist) knew that Jesus was the Christ.

1In those days John the Baptist came, preaching in the Desert of Judea 2and
saying, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near." 3This is he who was spoken
of through the prophet Isaiah:
"A voice of one calling in the desert,
'Prepare the way for the Lord,
make straight paths for him.' "

13Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to be baptized by John.
14But John tried to deter him, saying, "I need to be baptized by you, and do you
come to me?"
15Jesus replied, "Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do
this to fulfill all righteousness." Then John consented.
16As soon as Jesus
was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and
he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him. 17And a
voice from heaven said, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well
pleased."

We see that Jesus and JTB shared an interaction about who Jesus was (the Lord). But, if we look at Matthew 11, we get a different picture.

When John heard in prison what Christ was doing, he sent his disciples 3to ask
him, "Are you the one who was to come, or should we expect someone else?"

So this makes me question, did JTB truly not know if Jesus was the Christ? Or was he in a position where he was asking Jesus to rescue him? You see, JTB was in prison, and soon enough his head would be presented on a platter to a little girl. But after thinking through Jesus’ response, we are left with some questions, or maybe a difficult realization…

4Jesus replied, "Go back and report to John what you hear and see: 5The blind
receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy[b]are cured, the deaf hear,
the dead are raised, and the good news is preached to the poor. 6Blessed is the
man who does not fall away on account of me."

The author of the book we’re going through, made the interesting point…If you were to see Jesus perform a miracle, your next response would NOT be to fall away, but rather to believe more in the One performing the miracle. Unless…you were in desperate need of a miracle, and there was no miracle for you.
Have you ever been there? God is blessing others in AMAZING ways, but in your brokenness, He refuses to provide a miracle or even a blessing. What did JTB have to look forward to, or believe God for? He could’ve hoped for a release from prison, but that wasn’t what he was gonna get, or at least not in our idea of release.

I struggle through the many losses that God has allowed in my life over the past two years; losses ranging from funerals to the end of certain friendships.

In my honest look at JTB’s life, I can see how he had such an amazing impact/purpose on the future of our savior. We live our purpose, and God takes us home. Through that time He refines us, and encourages us to look up, even when we look around and it seems we’ve been left out of the blessing pool.

Blessed is [Sarah] who does not fall away [when it seems there are no miracles
for her].

Father God,
So many times I stop to focus on what I don’t have. I feel defiled and rejected. Even when I look at all the things you could’ve stopped from happening, I wonder about your goodness, and all-powerfulness. But, in the moment that I stop looking at me, I can praise you for the blessings & miracles you are performing for others: M&B’s baby (may she be healthy), E&J’s financial security, L’s daughter’s healing…May you capture my heart to honor you in all your Glory, reminding me that the world doesn’t revolve around me. It’s not about how I can be comforted, but how I can carry my cross to you. You’ll help carry the burden, but not always changing the circumstance. Thank you for reminding me of my place here. I will carry my hurts to you. I ask you remind me of my place, and only by your ultimate grace, will I find healing. Not in this world but in the world to come.
I love you. Amen.

Reckless Abandon

I wonder what it looks like to live with reckless abandon.
Is it responsible? Is it thrilling? Is it scary?

If I were to live in this kind of way, I would suppose I would speak up when I am interested in someone. Or maybe I would just take a huge leap and move my entire world to another part of the country. I think I’d be able to live with myself and look at myself in the mirror and believe that I’m doing everything that I was made to do on this earth.

Let’s look at the idea of moving to another city 1200 miles away. The only real challenges are the friends & family I’d miss here. The “what if’s” are amazing to consider. I could find the place that I fit or maybe I’d finally grow up enough to stand on my own two feet without a “safety-net” and realize that I really can fly.

Earlier tonight I was admiring the lives of geese. They can swim, walk or fly. I said to my friend that I can do 2 out of 3 of these things. If only I could get a grasp on flying. But, maybe I really can fly! If only I could trust that God had his hands beneath me and that I could see all of the joys that life really can hold. My life here is rich and full of many wonderful things, but what if these are really just the crumbs? The crumbs can be satisfying, but the table is where the best “food” is at.

I ask again. What would life look like if living it with reckless abandon?


As I continue down the path in making this decision, I find myself taking greater inventory of the joys that I have around me.
My house is now a home.
My friends have become family.
My hobbies add so much to my life.

As I look at each of these wonderful things, I realize the one thing that completes me is missing from the things I enjoy most here – God. We once had a relationship with joy and excitement. I remember the love affair I was enjoying where everytime I cracked the binding of my bible I got excited with the hope of what He wanted to teach me. I miss Him. I know He hasn’t gone anywhere, but I miss Him. In so many of my days of searching I keep avoiding the one person who I know WANTS to be found. I search continuously for a man to “complete” my life, or new journeys that will bring new experiences, or the possibility of moving so that I find a man who will make my life “complete” on a new journey with new experiences.

Maybe that is my ultimate decision. Instead of going in search of something new, stop and look for the God who has never left my side. The God who wants me to learn not to put ME first, but rather Him and the purpose I’m intended to fulfill will just naturally fall into place. Ahhh….reckless abandon. Maybe if I search God with this reckless abandon I’d figure out I’m right where He wants me.

New Chapters...

Today marks the ending of a year which I can only explain to be one of extreme disappointments and discouragements. Today also marks a new chapter in this stage of life...

New chapters in a book always brings more story and character development. Sometimes the chapter has exciting changes to the story, others detail a passing of time to the next stage in the story.

I recently read Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. There were 9 chapters and a couple seasons between her turning down his proposal and visiting his home in Pemberley - and clearing assuming she would not see him, or rather hoped she would not. Even after those 9 chapters were written, there was still 15 more before they actually got together! All of this to say, is that I'll keep waiting to see how this story comes out.

A couple of days ago I was encouraged to be reminded that when we have accepted Christ and the Holy Spirit has been gifted to us, that God is apart of me. I fail most days to remember that He is part of me. Often, I am of the Twoness (God & I - separate) mindset - selfishly only thinking of how I feel, what I want, or what will make me happy. But the truth of it all is that I have accepted Jesus as my Savior. I wear His mark. I'm part of Him. It's my choice to live my life to Glorify Him, not me...

2 Timothy 2:11-13
If we died with him,
we will also live with him;
if we endure,
we will also reign with him.
If we disown him,
he will also disown us;
if we are faithless,
he will remain faithful,
for he cannot disown himself.

I've chosen to die with him, so I must also choose to endure in this process. There will often be questions, and tears. But there will also be laughter and joy. The promises are that He invites us to live with Him, and even better, we get to reign with him.

He continues to remain faithful to his promises, even though I frequently question Him and lost sight that He is truly with me.

I hope that as I begin to write this next chapter of my story, that I can somehow Glorify Him through the process to honor Him and walk towards a life of Oneness with Him. Won't you join me? Let's see where this all goes!

Blessed Be the Name of the LORD

Wow. I can't believe that I've been gone for 6 whole months...Sometimes I wonder if you are eager to hear about where God is taking His servant through the journey of singleness. I wonder if you ask yourself if I've found myself a suitor which is precisely why I haven't written.

I've previously written many times of the "coincidences" of God's word demonstrated in my life. It has been quite awhile that I've heard God speak in a loud voice, clear enough to not question that it was Him speaking.

Before I share His words, let me catch you up.
This year has been a year of many losses. Friends have moved away, my 16yr old cat died, and...the man that I had been praying for has finalized our friendship as just brother & sister in Christ. This came after hearing about his dating life, and a some clear changes to our friendship. Throughout all of this loss, I have been challenged in my walk.

Bitterness and sinfulness has been overshadowing my heart for months.

Through much prayer and the beginning of a wrestling match with God, I have seen some clearing in the clouds as I try to hear answers to the many "whys" I have been sending up.

This brings us to today.

2 Samuel 7...
David thinks, "hmm...I have been blessed by God with a grand home. Let me build Him a tabernacle."
God says, "ah...no, that's not what I want you to do. But, I do have a plan of great magnitude that I will do through your decendants".
Then David responded in great obedience and praise to God for all of the great things He's already handed to David.


There are 2 major ideas that God is speaking to me about:
1) Sometimes, even when it's a good thing, He does say "no".
2) My response needs to be of praise and submission to trusting His plan.

I have been caught up for 3 months on the fact that I heard God say "wait" for 10 months. Then, in a moment. He was silent, and the plan didn't work out with a "yes". Now after 3 months of bitterness welling up in my soul, He speaks His "no". I still need to move forward to find out if His "No!" is just for this particular man, or if it's for all men.

Maybe God has planned for me to be a single woman. I must look around and see all of the blessings He has provided for me. Things that I can't even comprehend how or why He did bless me. The desires to love others and split up my time can be so great when I focus on His glory.

These are all things that I have yet to learn, but I must keep holding on to Him. Letting the greatest lover to fill me up.

Just Do it!

I'm determined to continue to document this journey; especially as I continue to wait.

As I sit on ponder the whole idea of "waiting" I'm reminded how different this concept is from the world's perspective vs. God's perspective.

The world says...

- You can't get a homerun if you don't step up to the plate.

- Just Do It!

- If you want it, just go after it!

I'm sure I could go on and on, but I'm sure you get the idea...

With these messages that shout in my head, trusting in the messages of wait, sure are getting harder to ignore.

But after considering God's word & His plan, there are many realities about how waiting to "get what you want" actually is better.

Let's consider the following:

- A chicken must sit on her egg, waiting for her little one to be ready to come out to greet the world. If she helps him along by pecking through the delicate egg, he won't be developed appropriately to be able to be healthy.

- David had to wait through decades & a whole series of events to challenge his faith in God before he became King. But after all the things he went through he is known and the Man after God's own heart. He believed & trusted God and was richly rewarded.

Today, I had to be reminded that it's always better wait till God tells me which direction to take, instead of distrusting Him by taking my own path. He promises to light the way, but I have to be seeking Him out and trying locate His soft voice.

The words the brought me much comfort today...

Psalm 130:5-6
I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait, And in His word do I hope.
My soul waits for the Lord,
More than the watchmen for the morning

Taking Strong Steps to Face Giants

What is a Giant?
I suppose my first thought is someone or something that is considerably taller than me.
What about Fear?
If I think about all of the "Giants" in my life that generate "fear" I could probably give you an extensive list of things.

• Not being _____ enough (insert anything; pretty, skinny, athletic, smart, etc.)
• Timing obstacles
• I'm too _______ (insert things such as; annoying, childlike, etc.)

These are just a few things that cause fear in my head, specifically when trying to figure out my dating situation.

God keeps speaking to me about Giants & Steps of Faith.

David & Goliath is probably one of the greatest (and most talked about) biblical stories. Here is this young boy (probably in his teens) who hears about this Philistine (who is HUGE, & HAIRY!) who keeps putting the name of God down. David, who was just bringing food or water or something to his brother who is on the front lines of a battle, hears about the "reward" a man might receive if he were to defeat this HUGE (& HAIRY) Giant. He steps up to "take care" of this Philistine. But it's not the "how" he defeats the Giant that moves my heart in this story (though that's miraculous too), but rather the FAITH & BELIEF that he had. Was he afraid? Maybe. Or maybe he believed God enough to take that step & sling that stone. He believed that HIS God was big enough to use him to accomplish His plan.

Another story of such faith is with the Isrealites.
Just as they were getting ready to cross the Jordan (after having to wander in the desert for 40 years due to unbelief) they were asked to take a HUGE step of faith. You see, when they were getting ready to cross the river, it was flood stage - proabably about 10 feet deep. They were not at a point of the river that even had a gradual step. It was one big step. So God told them to step into the Jordan & the waters would be cut off.
The "giant" they truly faced was whether they believed God enough to take that step of faith. Two outcomes were possible:

1. God was to be believed and the water would stop rushing in.
2. They would be taken down the river with the current & maybe even die.

How many times have you been in that situation where God has commanded you to do something & then He would reveal His glory to you? In this situation, which road did you take? The "easy" well-planned road? or the true leap of faith into the Jordan?

Today, as I write this, I am hoping to fully take that leap of faith and Believe that all the things He's been speaking to me is true. That He will take all of the plans that I hope for into His hands and display His glory in the midst of my believing.

Won't you take this step with me? Believe God.

Hope

Hope...This is one of those "Christianease" words that people use.

You might see it hanging over someone's fireplace: "Faith! Hope! Love!"
A response when there are no other words to use: "You've gotta put your HOPE in Jesus!"

If I were to ask you to define it, what you would say?

Wikipedia says:

It is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in
one's life. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events
will turn out for the best...

When used in a religious context, hope...being aware of what Christians see as spiritual "truth". It is not a physical emotion but a spiritual grace. Hope is
distinct from positive thinking, which refers to a therapeutic or systematic
process used in psychology for reversing pessimism. The term false hope refers
to a hope based entirely around a fantasy or an extremely unlikely outcome.

Let me bring you over to a story in John 11. It's about our buddy Lazarus & his sisters Mary & Martha.


Character Background:

• Mary was the one who poured her expensive purfume over Jesus's feet.


• Mary & Martha had Jesus over to their home and served him food


• Jesus loved each of these sibilings.

Lazarus was sick & dying. Jesus knew it. He stayed put. But said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." Not only did he not immediately get up and begin the journey to seeing them, but he WAITED two more days!

Then Jesus said something wise (something about travelling in the daylight where you won't stumble versus night where it's easy to get tripped up) and insisted that he and the disciples would travel back to Judea. His reasoning was that his friend, Lazarus, was "asleep", and he was simply going to go wake him up.

Now, the wording John uses or rather the words Jesus spoke seems quite...mundane compared to the actual actions he was going to take. Maybe he was just downplaying the situation, to keep them unalarmed?

I could keep going with the story, but the part of the story I want to get to is the fact that when Jesus arrived, Lazarus was dead, the sisters were upset:

• Martha had ultimate HOPE that in the last day their brother would be resurrected, and
• Mary came and crumbled at Jesus' feet crying to him that her brother would have not died if he had been there.

The bible says that Jesus was deeply moved - even to the point of weeping himself. And in response to all the weeping he did with the sisters and the others who were sad about Lazuarus, he said:

"Did I not tell you that if you BELIEVED, you would see the glory of God?"

And with that statement, Lazuarus was alive again.

So as God brought this story to me 3 times this last week, it seems that what I need to take from it is HOPE. That God can even resurrect a dead person right there on the spot, that He can also take a "hopeless" situation and bring new light to it.

Hope cannot be placed in the thing you're longing for: a spouse, a child, a job, a sale/purchase of a home - but rather place your Hope (and believe) that He will take the hopeless situation and bring goodness to it.

Father God,
Thank you waiting for Lazurus to die. Thank you that You desired your greatest glory to be revealed in bringing him back to life. When the things of this world seem so uncertain and so final I pray that we sink into the hope you offer us and hope for the glory to be revealed in the midst of our struggles. It is through our suffering that you change us to be more like you, and it is through hope that keeps us sane. May you help us to place our hope in the outcomes you have planned and not focus on hoping for the things we want.

Praise you for the resurrection of Lazurus, and for YOUR resurrection so that we who BELIEVE can be resurrected on that day too.
Amen.

In Memory...

On January 28th, 2009, my best friend of 15 years went to Kitty Heaven. I've gone through a series of struggles over the past several weeks as I've been challenged to truly trust & believe God in all of his plans.

Winnie has been my roommate, co-worker, best friend, keeper of secrets & tissue box for the past 15 years. I'm 30 - so do the math.... As I begun to learn that her days were not going to extend much longer, I have struggled with understanding God's larger plan for the animals that we have loved. They don't have souls, and were not given the same type of redemption as we were.

I've been learning to lean into the belief that God loves all of his creation the same. He rules over all creation (birds of the sky, beasts of the field) - but has given us free will. But for Winnie, God has ordained much about her life.

No one can truly explain what Heaven will be like and how we will recognize our loved ones, or if our pets will join us there or not - but as an Elisabeth Elliot devotional states:

The Bible does not speak specifically of the destiny of animals but there is a
promise in the Letter to the Ephesians which surely must include them,
"Everything that exists in heaven or earth shall find its perfection and
fulfillment in Christ" (Eph. 1:10 Phillips).
Paul expresses his hope in the
eighth chapter of Romans (verse 21 Phillips) "that in the end the whole of
created life will be rescued from the tyranny of change and decay, and have its
share in that magnificent liberty which can only belong to the children of God!"

I can see some of the blessings that this suffering has produced (evidence of God's grace, thoughtfully placed vacation time, sunny skies, etc.)

So in memory of my dearly beloved...

Oh, to be an Issac's Rebekah

Since I share the name of one of the greatest bible heros in all time, I have always been drawn to the story of how Sarah came to be pregnant with Issac.. Sarah had to wait for a LONG time receive the blessing of a child. Though, admittedly, I haven't looked much past the fulfillment of her desire.

However, this week, God has opened up my heart and spoken out about Genesis 24. (I suppose that when God brings the same set of verses forward three days in a row to my attention, I should probably listen, huh?)

Abraham had grown old and it was nearing time that he would be passing all that God had blessed him with onto his oldest son, Issac. At the ripe age of 40, he was still not married. So, Abraham sent out a servant to his homeland, to find a wife for Issac.

The servant was to recognize the woman that God had planned for Issac by a simple phrase that she would speak & followed by an action:

12 Then he prayed, "O LORD, God of my master Abraham, give me success today, and show kindness to my master Abraham. 13 See, I am standing beside this spring,
and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water. 14 May it be
that when I say to a girl, 'Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,'
and she says, 'Drink, and I'll water your camels too'-let her be the one you
have chosen for your servant Isaac. By this I will know that you have shown
kindness to my master."

Immediately as he was finishing praying, Rebekah came out to gather some water, and responded exactly the way the servant had prayed.

As I took at what is said about her, she was:

• Beautiful (vs. 16)
• A Virgin (vs. 16)
• Generous (vs 18; she quickly gave him water when he asked)
• Compassionate (vs 19; she also gave water to the horse)

But, the question is, was this brought to my attention to reflect on HER character, or on GOD's character in this match being made?

The servant prayed that God would make this journey a success. He brought his request before God before even going out to look for a woman. His heart was open to find the RIGHT woman for Issac. This servant knew that God would bring the right woman, because of the faith that his master, Abraham, had displayed:

'The LORD, before whom I have walked, will send his angel with you and make your
journey a success...' (vs. 40)

God CAN be trusted. He wants to give only His best (in all situations). He has promised to provide help in the journey. The revelation of this small chapter in the past week has been enough of a reminder that He has given me comfort and confirmation that continuing to wait for His best is the path to continue on.

Maybe the best lesson to take from this Genesis 24 passage is that we are encouraged to pray silently, and to watch quietly as we continue walking down the path towards His will. 'Cause afterall, the Servant prayed silently for his need, and watched quietly as Rebekah completed the tasks he had prayed for.

Father God,
Thank you for bringing scripture and confirming it. Though, through such tough times as Valentine's Day bringing the constant reminder of "singleness", you have promised that we are not alone. I pray for my future. You know the things I ask for, and I am believing that you are working out your plan, and you only want to bring me the best.
All praise and honor to You!

Character development

Often I have moments where I sit and contemplate the characteristics that I bring into relationships with others. I'll ask questions about how ready I actually am to be able to enter into a lifelong relationship with another:

• "Do I have what it takes to be a mom or wife?"
• "Am I patient enough to love another person(s) unconditionally?"
• "Will I ever be willing to give up my wants for the sake of anothers needs?"

These are some of the things that have crossed my mind over the past several years as I have walked down this journey. I sometimes pride myself for being reflective to where I can see my faults and justify why I'm still walking without a spouse beside me. But something has been on my mind over the past couple of weeks trying to make sense about some of the challenges/discouragements/disappointments that I have gone through over the past year or so. It's the truth that God will never give you more than you can handle. (I Corinthians 10:13)


What if I really can't handle being a wife or a mother? Maybe I don't have the ability to be self-less enough?


Romans 5 says, "And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

Is hope really found through suffering to grow our perseverance which develops our character? Is this hope really to have all of these things to ultimately have God glorified through our lives?


If it is true that God will never give us more than we can handle,
And we long to have God glorified through us;
Should we fight the times of suffering?


Each one of us goes through different periods of suffering. Some who have gone through slight times of discouragements/periods of suffering may want to dismiss your struggles and over simplify them. Don't let their words discourage you.

I'm certainly learning that I might have a lot of Character Development that needs to ocurr to have God most glorified through my life or even to prepare me for another work He wants to use me for. Maybe it's even the periods of struggle that He is using to being glorified. Ultimately, if God will be most glorified through my singleness or in my marriage - that is what He is going to choose.


Father God,
Thank you that you don't want to leave us the same. Thank you for the times of challenges that you present in each of our lives. Thank you that they bring us to a place of utter dependence on you. I praise you for the character that you are developing in my life. I continue to ask that You would continue to reveal Your glory in our lives as we go about serving You and finding our place in Your Kingdom.

May we rejoice in the hope of your glory.

Looking behind to see where you are going

It certainly seems like a bizzare thought to look behind you to see where you are going, but it is something worth considering. The past couple of years I have begun using small little spiral bound booklets to write down thoughts of what God was teaching me & the prayers I have been praying. I am hoping that these journals will hold up and my children & grandchildren will have opportunity to learn from the things that God has taught to me.



So let's add to those lessons of learning.



1. God does not need man to accomplish His purposes

• a. Adam fell into a "deep sleep" & God created the woman suitable for him. (I don't think that Adam TOLD God who or what he was looking for)


• b. God opened up Sarah's womb & she became pregnant.

Lesson: God does not need ANY of my "help" to accomplish his plans. I can make it easier on myself by obeying, but no need to actually help him...



2. "...after every earthly reason for hope was completely dead..." God fulfilled the promise of a child for Sarah & Abraham.



Lesson: (Isn't this one self-explanatory?)

-From the book "Twelve Extraordinary Women" by John MacAruthur

So as I look back at the things God has taught me in the past few months...I have learned that I need to go forward without using my past to measure my future. God's plan will continue without my help & my hope needs not be in earthly things but wholly & completely in HIM.



This is not a new lesson, but it's truly time to stop mistrusting Him. He's got it all under control. My hope is that you will see His faithfulness in your life.



Father God,

Thank you so much for all of the patience you give me when I continue to let you down. Your grace is more than I could ever ask for. I'm asking you for strength to move forward in Your truths & let You bless me in the ways You've chosen. Your grace is truly enough. Help remind me of this when the challenges come. I love you for all that you do.

Amen

Waiting - (what else?)

I have been in a period of waiting (any long time reader would not be surprised at this) and have been desperately asking God for a "No". I would prefer a "Yes", but I was even praying for a "No" just for a resolution to my hearts desire/angst. As I was pleading for God to respond - instead of continuing with the "wait" - I was deeply reminded of Romans 9:

But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? "Shall what is formed say to him
who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?'

Translation: Why are you asking for a No, when I have told you to wait? What if I want to say Yes, but now is not the time?

I have also been reminded in recent weeks about the Isrealites complaint to God which kept them wandering the desert for 40 years. In Deuteronomy 1 it says:

...[They} grumbled in [their] tents and said, "The LORD hates us; so he brought us out of Egypt to deliver us into the hands of the Amorites to destroy us. ...

Then God said, "... The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes...In spite of this, you did not trust in the LORD your God, who went ahead of you on your journey ... to show you the way you should go. When the LORD heard what you said, he was angry and solemnly swore: "Not a man of this evil generation shall see the good land I swore to give your forefathers..."

So what now? God has clearly said to me, "wait". I keep pleading with him that a No (Egypt) would be better than a Yes (Isreal) if Wait (wandering in the desert towards Isreal) is my answer. Are the recent developments a response to my grumbling?

So again, I ask, What now?

There is hope...Jesus.
The Isrealites didn't have Jesus. God was disgusted by their hearts and their distrust. He punished them. However, Jesus took this punishment for me. No, this doesn't mean that I need to keep sinning so that Jesus can take the brunt of the punsihment, but I don't need to be in fear that God is not on my side. He has the best plans laid aside for me. I can not be afraid that God will banish me to the Desert for 40 years. His word says that His mercies are new every morning. Today is new day.

Sabbaths - A time to rest in God's presence

Happy Sunday to you!
To some people, this is a day of rest from work, chores, etc. Some people look forward to Sunday's for a day to nap, read or just relax. Though, many of us refrain from actually finding time to take a Sabbath. We keep up with the same busy, hectic schedule every day of the week; never taking much time out to rest.

I was doing my devotions today and came across some verses leading up to how Jesus chose his 12 Apostles.

Luke 6:12-15
One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God.

The section just before this was talking about Jesus being criticized by the Pharisees by healing and "harvesting" (small grains of wheat) on the Sabbath. Then the chapter continues into how He went about deciding the 12. Is this a coincidence? Who knows. I'm not a true bible scholar, but it got me thinking about what the Sabbath really should be about; or better yet how I can be better prepared to be ready for the events of the day & coming week.

How often do I consider taking time out to Pray to God for an extended timeframe? Is this considered rest for me? Or would watching TV or playing on the internet or shopping all be considered my rest period?

Jesus went to a mountainside to pray. He then spent the entire night praying to God!! The fruit of this time was his selection of the apostles. Do you think He just prayed about the 12? Who knows. But I think the lesson to take is that we need to be rested up to be able to be obedient to God & available to serve Him. And the only way to accomplish this is to take large quantities of time out of our busy schedule to spend with Him. It's not about the doing - (not just one more thing to check off the list) - but the fact that Jesus spent HOURS praying with God. This was quite possibly His Sabbath. His time of rest.

Father God,
Thank you for your word to be a tool that speaks so closely to my heart. When you speak, I know that I need to listen. Help me to take that time to speak with you, glean your truths & to allow you to fill me up so that I can be ready to step out and serve you.

Engagement!!!!

When a man and a women meet, fall in love and decide it is time to get married it is a special time in both of their lives. Their story is what will go with them the rest of their married life (hopefully the rest of their lives). They share it with everyone who asks, but most importantly when they have children and grandchildren their story is recounted numerous times. The light in their eyes as they reminisce how they met & how their (grand)father proposed to their (grand)mother. It is special.

I wish that this post was with me adding my story for my kids & grandkids to hear, but it's not.

"Why are you writing about this then?" you ask.

I'm kind of wondering the same thing. Maybe it's because it is on my mind & my heart. Over the past month, I have heard of 4 couples getting engaged. Three of these couples had people who had pleaded with God to provide them with a spouse & continuously recounted how much they want to be married & start a family - within the past year.

• One of these couples is a girl that I was a youth leader for. I have sat with one of these friends to discuss how important it is to develop their relationship with Christ as they wait for their spouse.


• Another friend has a similar path as myself, where their previous 5 relationships ended & then their ex found the love of their life in their next relationship.


• And yet another, I had been in a prayer with her & another woman and God had answered their prayers - but not yet mine.

I know that bitterness is not an honorable thing; especially in God's eyes. Certainly, I have no place to question God. I struggle not add "but" to my next statement. I just don't understand why. A year ago, I thought for sure a friend of mine would have moved our relationship to the next level; but as you may have noticed from previous posts God has said "wait".

I am genuinely happy for my friends who have entered into this stage of their life. Each one of them have unique and individual stories. God has answered their prayers.

Father God,

Thank you for answering the prayers of Mandi & David, Emily &
Matt, Hannah & Josh, and Josh & Mackenzie. You knew from the beginning
of time the journeys that each one of them would take to meet each other and
fall in love. You have each of their futures planned as they prepare to join
their lives here on earth. I pray that you would bless them each with knowledge
of you as they begin planning their future. May each of them keep their
hands open enough to allow You to work in miraculous ways in their lives and the
people they touch. I pray that they use this engagement time to obtain a solid
foundation with their relationshp with you - both individually and as a
couple.



I thank you, Father, for knowing the future you have planned for my
life. You have already preplanned all of the story. You, being the greatest
author of all time, know everything I need and are pleased to bring yourself
glory while I wait and seek you out. Each day you have me wait is not lost. Your
plans cannot be thwarted - even though Satan wishes to challenge that truth. I
ask that you are preparing my husband's heart to have the knowledge and the
encouragment to begin our courtship. I pray that you would strengthen his faith
in you and fill him with your Spirit as you prepare him to be the husband you
have called him to be. Be with him and protect him from temptations that
threaten to steal away his purity.



Thank you for showing me that you do answer prayers, and you are
working on answering my prayers; though I have not been able to see the outcome.
I hope for what is unseen.

I love you.

Amen.