Looking behind to see where you are going

It certainly seems like a bizzare thought to look behind you to see where you are going, but it is something worth considering. The past couple of years I have begun using small little spiral bound booklets to write down thoughts of what God was teaching me & the prayers I have been praying. I am hoping that these journals will hold up and my children & grandchildren will have opportunity to learn from the things that God has taught to me.



So let's add to those lessons of learning.



1. God does not need man to accomplish His purposes

• a. Adam fell into a "deep sleep" & God created the woman suitable for him. (I don't think that Adam TOLD God who or what he was looking for)


• b. God opened up Sarah's womb & she became pregnant.

Lesson: God does not need ANY of my "help" to accomplish his plans. I can make it easier on myself by obeying, but no need to actually help him...



2. "...after every earthly reason for hope was completely dead..." God fulfilled the promise of a child for Sarah & Abraham.



Lesson: (Isn't this one self-explanatory?)

-From the book "Twelve Extraordinary Women" by John MacAruthur

So as I look back at the things God has taught me in the past few months...I have learned that I need to go forward without using my past to measure my future. God's plan will continue without my help & my hope needs not be in earthly things but wholly & completely in HIM.



This is not a new lesson, but it's truly time to stop mistrusting Him. He's got it all under control. My hope is that you will see His faithfulness in your life.



Father God,

Thank you so much for all of the patience you give me when I continue to let you down. Your grace is more than I could ever ask for. I'm asking you for strength to move forward in Your truths & let You bless me in the ways You've chosen. Your grace is truly enough. Help remind me of this when the challenges come. I love you for all that you do.

Amen

Waiting - (what else?)

I have been in a period of waiting (any long time reader would not be surprised at this) and have been desperately asking God for a "No". I would prefer a "Yes", but I was even praying for a "No" just for a resolution to my hearts desire/angst. As I was pleading for God to respond - instead of continuing with the "wait" - I was deeply reminded of Romans 9:

But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? "Shall what is formed say to him
who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?'

Translation: Why are you asking for a No, when I have told you to wait? What if I want to say Yes, but now is not the time?

I have also been reminded in recent weeks about the Isrealites complaint to God which kept them wandering the desert for 40 years. In Deuteronomy 1 it says:

...[They} grumbled in [their] tents and said, "The LORD hates us; so he brought us out of Egypt to deliver us into the hands of the Amorites to destroy us. ...

Then God said, "... The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes...In spite of this, you did not trust in the LORD your God, who went ahead of you on your journey ... to show you the way you should go. When the LORD heard what you said, he was angry and solemnly swore: "Not a man of this evil generation shall see the good land I swore to give your forefathers..."

So what now? God has clearly said to me, "wait". I keep pleading with him that a No (Egypt) would be better than a Yes (Isreal) if Wait (wandering in the desert towards Isreal) is my answer. Are the recent developments a response to my grumbling?

So again, I ask, What now?

There is hope...Jesus.
The Isrealites didn't have Jesus. God was disgusted by their hearts and their distrust. He punished them. However, Jesus took this punishment for me. No, this doesn't mean that I need to keep sinning so that Jesus can take the brunt of the punsihment, but I don't need to be in fear that God is not on my side. He has the best plans laid aside for me. I can not be afraid that God will banish me to the Desert for 40 years. His word says that His mercies are new every morning. Today is new day.

Sabbaths - A time to rest in God's presence

Happy Sunday to you!
To some people, this is a day of rest from work, chores, etc. Some people look forward to Sunday's for a day to nap, read or just relax. Though, many of us refrain from actually finding time to take a Sabbath. We keep up with the same busy, hectic schedule every day of the week; never taking much time out to rest.

I was doing my devotions today and came across some verses leading up to how Jesus chose his 12 Apostles.

Luke 6:12-15
One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God.

The section just before this was talking about Jesus being criticized by the Pharisees by healing and "harvesting" (small grains of wheat) on the Sabbath. Then the chapter continues into how He went about deciding the 12. Is this a coincidence? Who knows. I'm not a true bible scholar, but it got me thinking about what the Sabbath really should be about; or better yet how I can be better prepared to be ready for the events of the day & coming week.

How often do I consider taking time out to Pray to God for an extended timeframe? Is this considered rest for me? Or would watching TV or playing on the internet or shopping all be considered my rest period?

Jesus went to a mountainside to pray. He then spent the entire night praying to God!! The fruit of this time was his selection of the apostles. Do you think He just prayed about the 12? Who knows. But I think the lesson to take is that we need to be rested up to be able to be obedient to God & available to serve Him. And the only way to accomplish this is to take large quantities of time out of our busy schedule to spend with Him. It's not about the doing - (not just one more thing to check off the list) - but the fact that Jesus spent HOURS praying with God. This was quite possibly His Sabbath. His time of rest.

Father God,
Thank you for your word to be a tool that speaks so closely to my heart. When you speak, I know that I need to listen. Help me to take that time to speak with you, glean your truths & to allow you to fill me up so that I can be ready to step out and serve you.

Engagement!!!!

When a man and a women meet, fall in love and decide it is time to get married it is a special time in both of their lives. Their story is what will go with them the rest of their married life (hopefully the rest of their lives). They share it with everyone who asks, but most importantly when they have children and grandchildren their story is recounted numerous times. The light in their eyes as they reminisce how they met & how their (grand)father proposed to their (grand)mother. It is special.

I wish that this post was with me adding my story for my kids & grandkids to hear, but it's not.

"Why are you writing about this then?" you ask.

I'm kind of wondering the same thing. Maybe it's because it is on my mind & my heart. Over the past month, I have heard of 4 couples getting engaged. Three of these couples had people who had pleaded with God to provide them with a spouse & continuously recounted how much they want to be married & start a family - within the past year.

• One of these couples is a girl that I was a youth leader for. I have sat with one of these friends to discuss how important it is to develop their relationship with Christ as they wait for their spouse.


• Another friend has a similar path as myself, where their previous 5 relationships ended & then their ex found the love of their life in their next relationship.


• And yet another, I had been in a prayer with her & another woman and God had answered their prayers - but not yet mine.

I know that bitterness is not an honorable thing; especially in God's eyes. Certainly, I have no place to question God. I struggle not add "but" to my next statement. I just don't understand why. A year ago, I thought for sure a friend of mine would have moved our relationship to the next level; but as you may have noticed from previous posts God has said "wait".

I am genuinely happy for my friends who have entered into this stage of their life. Each one of them have unique and individual stories. God has answered their prayers.

Father God,

Thank you for answering the prayers of Mandi & David, Emily &
Matt, Hannah & Josh, and Josh & Mackenzie. You knew from the beginning
of time the journeys that each one of them would take to meet each other and
fall in love. You have each of their futures planned as they prepare to join
their lives here on earth. I pray that you would bless them each with knowledge
of you as they begin planning their future. May each of them keep their
hands open enough to allow You to work in miraculous ways in their lives and the
people they touch. I pray that they use this engagement time to obtain a solid
foundation with their relationshp with you - both individually and as a
couple.



I thank you, Father, for knowing the future you have planned for my
life. You have already preplanned all of the story. You, being the greatest
author of all time, know everything I need and are pleased to bring yourself
glory while I wait and seek you out. Each day you have me wait is not lost. Your
plans cannot be thwarted - even though Satan wishes to challenge that truth. I
ask that you are preparing my husband's heart to have the knowledge and the
encouragment to begin our courtship. I pray that you would strengthen his faith
in you and fill him with your Spirit as you prepare him to be the husband you
have called him to be. Be with him and protect him from temptations that
threaten to steal away his purity.



Thank you for showing me that you do answer prayers, and you are
working on answering my prayers; though I have not been able to see the outcome.
I hope for what is unseen.

I love you.

Amen.

Manna = Bread = Jesus

Exodus 16:4
I will rain down bread from heaven for you.

After the Isrealites were rescued from the slavery they endured in Egypt, they were found walking in the desert. If you've ever been in the desert you may have noticed how hard it is to find something cool to drink, let alone filling to eat. Most animals hide so well, even snakes have to sneak up on them. So as the Isrealites (the millions of them) were begining their trek towards the promised land, they were faced with a need for food. So God performed one of the most amazing miracles in the Old Testament; the raining down of Manna. There were a couple of rules surrounding the Manna, and the one that I want to bring up is that they could only collect & consume enough Manna for that one day (except for the day of the Sabbath -see Exodus 16:5) Each morning they could only gather enough for that day, and whatever was left over the next day would turn into maggots & rot away.

So the lesson here is that I can only store up enough promises for today. I can't worry about tomorrow.

John 6:33
For the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.

Jesus is having a discussion with His disciples about bread which then leads to a discussion about Manna (the bread from Heaven) and how Jesus is the true bread from Heaven. Since He is the one who was sent by God.

This passage in John 6 (25-59) intrigues me in a bunch of different ways.
1. Manna was bread that filled the Isrealites everyday & they had to specifically collect it everyday. Jesus is the bread of life that we have to specifically collect everyday to get through the day.
2. Jesus talked about this at a time when he had had quite a following of people. He had begun performing many miracles.
3. Jesus repeats He is the Bread from Heaven, and those who ate the Manna still died. But everyone who eats His flesh and drinks His blood will have eternal life.
4.Jesus spoke about eternal life through His bread/body at this poin in His ministry but didn't formalize the practice of Holy Communion until He was on the eve of His death.

The practice of communion has a profound new meaning to me after reading these verses. The rememberance of Jesus is the reality that we take & eat His bread/body to never be hungry and
drink the wine/blood to never be thirsty again.

The manna in the OT was the fulfillment of our need for food, just like Jesus is the fulfillment of our need for eternal salvation. Collecting Manna was a daily exercise and so is collecting Jesus and His teachings to get through each day & into eternity.

Finally, Jesus discussed with the disciples how hard this teaching was for them to understand. I find it difficult to figure out how to express why this intrigues me. Maybe it's how He spoke with such a radical mindset. But when you grow in knowledge, it begins to make more sense.

So the lesson here is that when/if I can understand the true message of Jesus that I will take & eat of it and have eternal life.

Manna = Bread = Jesus = Eternal Life

Quite possibly the best mathmatical equation to ever be written. God is good. Praise God for the bread from Heaven.

Merry Christmas.

There will be a Day

It seems to me that I tend to write in this post the continuance of waiting, and the attempt at resting in the timing of God. Maybe the reason for this is that I keep missing the boat, or maybe it is a message of hope that keeps needing to be communicated. We are all waiting for something. We are living out situations where we are unsure of the outcome. Some people are really good at hiding their distrust in God from others, or they are just truly able to trust God. There are little victories that I have received in this area, but as each victory I receive I am reminded how much further I truly have to go before I can stand up with certainity that I learned everything I needed to learn during this season of waiting.

Romans 8:18-25

Just in time for the Christmas season, the message of Christ...
Luke 2:11
Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to youl he is Christ the Lord.

Sin is the reason that Jesus came. He came to save us.

My struggle is with fully trusting God. He allows many opportunities where I can choose to stand up to Satan & resist his false promises, or I can question & not trust the Hope that God has placed in my heart. Satan knows how these opportunities could best shake me, and he works quite hard to try to steal away my heart & devotion from God. But Jesus rescues me in my uncertainty and promises me that "His plans will not be thrwarted" and when things seem to be going against my plans that He will work all things for His glory. These promises both encourage me and give me hope.

Romans 8:25
But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.

He has given each one of us different promises and plans for our future. Sometimes it seems that the disappointments from today means He isn't working on His plan (but rather He is just dangling your dreams before you) but I pray that you rest in His promises and know that there is a reason for today. There is a reason for the waiting.

While I'm Waiting

While I'm Waiting - John Waller

Finding Happiness....

This week I wrote on my facebook account that I was "happy".

The amazing part of it is that there isn't anything specific to warrant such an emotion, except finding a gentle rest in the God of all comfort. It wasn't until today when I was meditating on a sermon on Repentance that I realized really where the Happiness is coming from.

This summer I went through a season of true wrestling with God. I was shocked to reveal some of my deepest sins. The biggest sin that I struggled with (and continue to struggle with) is truly trusting & believing in the goodness of God. The part of repetance that I had to melt into is the fact that God will never be able to fully show me "why" I need to trust Him, (not that He COULDN'T do it, more of the fact that it wouldn't glorify Him to show me) but I need to honor Him by following in obedience - by trusting Him in obedience.

"What does this have to do with happiness" you ask?

On August 10 2008, God began to challenge me with trusting Him - completely. He has been telling me "wait" over & over again. He is reminding me through scripture to wait, to believe, to trust.

Wait

--Habbakkuk

Believe

--Numbers 14 - If you do not believe you will not enter the promised land.

Trust

--Don't Doubt Me Even if it seems rediculous

From scripture to other miraculous signs, He is showing me the way. This is how I know I am happy. I can rest in His truth, and wait for His grace and look forward to how "He is going to going to do something in [my] days that [I] would not believe, even if [I was] told."

Praise God for His goodness. May you find His joy in the trials of life.

From Your Hands - Julian Drive

So for whatever reason, I have found myself adding music that really grabs my heart to this little blog of mine. Maybe because some of these songs are hitting me at some of the parts of journey that I need?

For whatever reason, here is my next suggestion:

From Your Hands - Julian Drive


Enjoy...

Suffering...Submission...Surrendering

I've been doing much thinking on the topics of Suffering, Submission & Surrendering. I know that it's been awhile since I have shared my thoughts - so I'll try to not be too long winded... But as apart of this journey, let me speak of each of these ideas & how they are intertwined.

Suffering
It is necessary to suffer. I wrote an entry about this very idea. The idea that God is always working out his will in our lives in big way when we endure hardships & struggle through those times. I found verses that speak to that very idea.

2 Corin 1:3-12 - The summary of this is the fact that we share in Christ's sufferings so that we can share in His comfort. His comfort is comfort in a future salvation with Him in heaven. We go through struggles so that we can grow & learn more about putting ourselves last. To humble us.

Submission
I have recently been thinking about how badly I submit to my authorities. Those authorities range from my employer, my president and my pastor. I always have ideas about improvement. I get angry & frustrated when, "how dare they not take my idea!"

Romans 13:1 - Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established.

The important lesson that I have learned is that GOD has placed authority in many different situations. It is MY job to support & submit to those people. It is NOT my job to question them, or become angry if they have not taken my idea. I need to respect them. Not make it more difficult.

Surrender
This has been a tougher lesson to learn. I'm not 100% sure how to fully surrender my heart over for this hope & desire. Or even ANY hope & desire.

For those who really know me, know that I am a really strong willed person. I've struggled with submitting to my leadership. Trusting in others & letting them make the mistakes. I know that even if I surrender & submit that won't keep me from suffering. That is ultimately the thing that I am dealing with. I try my hardest to keep up an easy life. But no matter what I do - I will suffer. People will hurt me. Sin will distroy. I will sin. But after all is said & done. The only thing that counts is my faith in what Christ did for me on the cross. The grace & mercy He gives me even when I mess up. Now the ultimate question is...Do I trust that God has His best in store for me? Is He working out His plan in my life? Will I get to go to the "Land of Milk & Honey"? If yes, then I have to try surrendering my will & let Him bring this hope to fruition.

Either I surrender my will, or He may MAKE me surrender my will. In this case, it's worse to ask for forgiveness - especially when He has told me what I need to do.

Let's watch in wonder to see what He does in my life. Will you pray for me? God may do something AMAZING if we just abide in Him...

Blessings to you.

Interstates, Roads & more...

I've talked about winding roads where you can't really see the path between the beginning and end of that path but you feel certain you can see what the end is going be. Recently, I got a glimpse of the path between the beginning and the end. The path we take through challenges in life is much of a journey. The scenery changes from time to time, but I get the sense that I am still on the same path.

In my walk as a single Christian woman, I have tried to remain consistent in my walk with Jesus. But, as I've walked down this road, there have been some roads that I've taken which didn't necessarily bring good things my way.

Let's first consider a map.

Maps can help us direct a plan to getting somewhere.

You've probably also heard the phrase, "there is always more than one way to get there", meaning that you could take many different paths to get to your final destination. But there is also that idea that one road can take you through bad areas to get you to your final destination.

I was thinking about this idea as it pertains to my singleness journey. I've started this journey with many friends. As time has progressed, these friends have been able to exit off of the "Singleness Interstate" either to meet up with their spouse or to temporarily take a rest from being single to date a random Joe Schmoe. If they stepped off just to date, they would generally meet back with me on that interstate.

On October 4th, my last single friend will be taking a new route with her new husband. I am very excited and happy for her! I have seen how God has worked his great plan out in her life. I could plant a tree at her "exit" and it would be blossoming beautifully. She is happy.

But this doesn't change my journey. I'm still travelling on this path, and it seems so lonely now that she is gone. I have other friends who are single but their path looks remarkably different - mostly because they are a few miles behind me in years. I've never been good at being the trailblazer in these kinds of situations. I get fearful. I always like to refer to the experiences of others to help me best plan what I would do - really just to learn from their mistakes.

There is hope. That is hope is Jesus. He has placed a desire inside my soul that He promises to fulfill. I have asked to have the desire of marriage removed if this is not His will, and still it remains. That is my hope. I have begun to praise God for the man that He is preparing to walk next to me.

I had an interaction with God this morning. There was a song on the radio that just seemed to confirm many of the things that He keeps trying to tell me. "Wait. Not Yet." Of course, two things that I DON'T want to hear, but he added this to encourage me:

The pain inside
Has erased your hope for love
Soon you will find
That I'll give you all
That your heart could ever want
And so much more

When you feel like you're alone in your sadness
It seems like no one else in this whole world cares
And you want to get away from the madness
You just call My name and I'll be there

Call My name say it now
I want you to never doubt
The love I have for you is so alive
Call My name say it now
I want you to never doubt
The love I have for you is so alive
- Third Day - Call My Name

And as He told Habakkuk...

Look at the nations and watch—
and be utterly amazed.
For I am going to do something in your days
that you would not believe,
even if you were told.
- Habakkuk 1:5

I have to believe that some day He will hold true to His promise. That walking down this journey may leave me feeling alone - but I just need to call on God to remind me of His love and His best laid plan for my life.

Rollercoasters

"Place keep hands, arms & legs inside the car at all times. Keep your
lapbelt securely fashioned for the duration of the ride."

When you are getting ready to start a Rollercoaster, you always hear these warnings & instructions as to how to behave properly on the ride. Then when you get on the ride you sometimes think about testing the limits on those "rules" but that depends on how intense the ride is.

Sometimes I behave the same way with my Christian walk. Before getting on the ride, I didn't really pay much attention to the warnings.

John 16:33
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.
In this
world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the
world."

So now that I am on the "ride" I tend to stick my arms & even my legs (scary) out of the car trying to spruce up the enjoyment. Maybe I even do this to try to be more independent - not wanting to fully rely on the car to hold me in.

But the problem is, when the ride starts going in a direction I didn't expect, I start to panic! "What?! Why are we going this way? This isn't fun? Let's not go facedown at a 90degree angle at break-neck speed!" But the reality, who am I to tell God which direction to take this car? I keep battling with this issue. I keep hoping that He'll change His mind if I whine loud enough or cry out hard-enough.

My dear friend Habakkak had this same struggle:

2 How long, O LORD, must I call for
help,
but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, "Violence!"
but you do not save?
3 Why do you make me look at
injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong? (Hbk 1:2-3)

And similarily, God responds to me in the same way He responded to him:

"Look at the nations and watch—and be utterly amazed. For I am going
to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told." (Hbk 1:5)

Yet still, I keep complaining & arguing with God. But I tend to add a little bit of manipulation attempts to get Him to change His mind:

Your eyes are too pure to look on evil; you cannot tolerate
wrong. Why then do you tolerate the treacherous? Why
are you silent while the wicked swallow up those more righteous than
themselves? (Hbk 1:13)

And yet still, His mind can not be changed:

"Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a
herald may run with it.
3 For the revelation awaits an appointed
time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for
it; it will certainly come and will not delay.
4 "See, he is puffed up; his desires are not upright— but the righteous will live
by his faith (Hbk 2:3-4)

There is much that it seems that God is teaching me through the prophet Habakkuk. And it boils down to this:

• Life does not revolve around me
• I cannot change God's mind
• He has a GREAT plan in mind
• He has NOT forgotten me & is preparing me for great things

And

• My desires need to be aligned with His will & not be about my pride
• the Righteous will live by Faith

So I can best enjoy this ride if I keep all hands, arms & legs inside the car at all times. And keep the lapbelt securely fastened during the duration of the ride. He promises some great action - things that I wouldn't be able to imagine. But I must stay on His course. His plan. His Rollercoaster. The best coaster on the planet.

And lastly....some lyrics to a song that I really came to love today:
"What Life Would Be Like" - Big Daddy Weave
I wish I was more of a man
Have you ever felt that way
And if I had to tell you the truth I’m afraid I’d have to say
That after all I’ve done and failed to do
I feel like less than I was meant to be
And what if I could fix myself
Maybe then I could get free
I could try to be somebody else
Whose much better off than me
But I need to remember this
That it’s when I’m at my weakest
I can clearly see

He made the lame walk
And the dumb talk
He opened blinded eyes to see
That the sun rises on His time
Yet He knows our deepest desperate need
And the world waits
While His heart aches
To realize the dream
I wonder what life would be like
If we let JESUS live through you and me

Everything

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light - That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.
You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away. Would you take me in? Take
me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need - You're
everything,everything

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this? How can I stand
here with you and not be moved by you?Would you tell me how could it be any
better than this?

Lifehouse: Everything

Junior High & Dances

Thursday night I had the pleasure of going to a training session for this place called The Powerhouse. It's a place where kids can come after school and hang out and where adults can build relationships with kids aging between 12-18 (6th grade through Senior in High School). Last year my house church volunteered here on Friday nights for their "Glo" program. Glo is basically a safe dance club for these kids. It is quite fun. There is a lot of Mt. Dew and pizza consumed. It is quite a fun time. It kind of takes me back to a time in my life of school dances & trying to figure myself out.

During the meeting, one of the directors reminded us about some of these times of our lives. She asked us to think back to that time. I can remember that middle school dance. A slow song starts up and you are talking with a boy that you really like. He is a good friend and you have several classes together and he seems to be such a nice guy. Deep inside, your stomach turns with anticipation. Is he going to ask me to dance? This is such a great song! It is one of my favorites. Oh I hope he asks me to dance... You keep talking with him, and the song gets closer to the middle. Oh the anxiety you feel. It's almost more than you can take! So as an akward 12 year old, do take matters into your own hands and risk rejection and just ask him to dance? Or do you just wait to let him make the move?

Even now, at 30, I'm waiting for an answer to that same question. What is answer? Is it really just as simple as feeling comfortable with the answer you may or may not receive? Or is it resting patiently in the response that God has in store? I'm sure there are so many differing opinions out there.

Before, I really make a decision on this, I want say something in regards to respect. This week I have really been struggling with this idea of respect. At times I have little (if any) respsect for my leaders. This can even include the One who created me. Why is this? I suppose they question isn't "Why" as I can certainly give you the easy answer of sin...I guess my question is, if I understand that this is not honoring to God or the people the lack of respect is directed at, then why can't I shake my attitude?

So this goes back to the Jr. High dance...I could ask the guy to dance, and just take matters into my own hands, but I'm not sure that is going to express any sort of respect to him. Certainly the ages of the players are different and the circumstances are more serious than just a simple dance - but if I can ever learn to fully give over control & repsect him maybe it is just as simple as waiting patiently for him to get the courage, or learning that I am the one he wants to dance with - then the wait would all be worth it. If he misses this song, there will be more if he is meant to dance with me through this life.

Suffering

This weekend I had the pleasure of visiting my 91 year old grandpa. I hadn’t seen him for over 2 years since he lived 10hours away. I didn’t have too much of an opportunity to really talk with him as he wanted to sleep all day, and didn’t have much interest on staying awake to chat. So while Grandpa was sleeping, it provided me an opportunity to meet some other people who are living at the same care facility that he is staying at.

So, God introduced me to Louie. Louie is in his early 80’s and his wife Adelaide is also at the same facility and she is suffering from severe Dementia and doesn’t remember him. When I first started talking to him, he asked me “Why do you care about me? Why do people have to suffer? Why can’t they just die?” We started talking about how his wife is dying, but she’s been in this same state-of-being for about 3years now. They had just moved from another care facility where they didn’t have enough medical help to properly care for his wife.

With tears in his eyes, he asked me why they have to keep living, when he is just somewhere awaiting his time to die. Why pay the money? Why do we (meaning me) pay for him to wait to die? These questions really hit me hard.

On my drive to Wisconsin, I had listened to this great sermon on 1 Samuel 19 & suffering. Basically, the ultimate question was: Is God only at work when things are going well? Sometimes it certainly seems that way. When things don’t seem to be going well, or when I am in the midst of a terrible struggle, it seems that God must not be working in my life. While I was listening to this sermon, this whole thought process was blown out of the water. Jesus suffered. He suffered in ways that seem so unbearable. So the question is, if God only works when things are going well, does that mean that God was not at work when Christ was crucified? Of course not! Talk about the greatest display of God working! It brought me to a new perspective on verses such as:

· Romans 8:17 - Now if we are
children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we
share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his
glory.
· Luke 24:26 - Did not
the Christ have to suffer these things and then enter his
glory?"
· Philippians 1:29 -
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him,
but also to suffer for him,
·
James 1:2 - Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many
kinds,

These verses talk about the fact that it is necessary to suffer here on earth, just as Christ did, so that we can share Christ’s glory in heaven, too. Many times I’ve thought that suffering is really experiencing pain on behalf of Christ, and that true suffering is really only what happens to people who are proclaiming the Gospel of Christ in some other country. But the reality is that we all suffer, and that God is working through those times.

So as Louie was talking to me about his pain, this concept of suffering came to mind. I was able to share with Him the message of hope of Jesus despite the struggle of his situation & his wife’s situation. He struggled also with knowing what the right message to believe in is. It was truly humbling to see.

Friends, I am not sure what struggles you all endure in, whether they seem big or small in your eyes. But know that God is working to establish HIS kingdom through this suffering, so that we can direct our eyes to Jesus. If you think of it, please pray for Louie. Pray that God’s truth will be clear and evident in his heart & that healing would come quickly for Adelaide.