Blessed Be the Name of the LORD

Wow. I can't believe that I've been gone for 6 whole months...Sometimes I wonder if you are eager to hear about where God is taking His servant through the journey of singleness. I wonder if you ask yourself if I've found myself a suitor which is precisely why I haven't written.

I've previously written many times of the "coincidences" of God's word demonstrated in my life. It has been quite awhile that I've heard God speak in a loud voice, clear enough to not question that it was Him speaking.

Before I share His words, let me catch you up.
This year has been a year of many losses. Friends have moved away, my 16yr old cat died, and...the man that I had been praying for has finalized our friendship as just brother & sister in Christ. This came after hearing about his dating life, and a some clear changes to our friendship. Throughout all of this loss, I have been challenged in my walk.

Bitterness and sinfulness has been overshadowing my heart for months.

Through much prayer and the beginning of a wrestling match with God, I have seen some clearing in the clouds as I try to hear answers to the many "whys" I have been sending up.

This brings us to today.

2 Samuel 7...
David thinks, "hmm...I have been blessed by God with a grand home. Let me build Him a tabernacle."
God says, "ah...no, that's not what I want you to do. But, I do have a plan of great magnitude that I will do through your decendants".
Then David responded in great obedience and praise to God for all of the great things He's already handed to David.


There are 2 major ideas that God is speaking to me about:
1) Sometimes, even when it's a good thing, He does say "no".
2) My response needs to be of praise and submission to trusting His plan.

I have been caught up for 3 months on the fact that I heard God say "wait" for 10 months. Then, in a moment. He was silent, and the plan didn't work out with a "yes". Now after 3 months of bitterness welling up in my soul, He speaks His "no". I still need to move forward to find out if His "No!" is just for this particular man, or if it's for all men.

Maybe God has planned for me to be a single woman. I must look around and see all of the blessings He has provided for me. Things that I can't even comprehend how or why He did bless me. The desires to love others and split up my time can be so great when I focus on His glory.

These are all things that I have yet to learn, but I must keep holding on to Him. Letting the greatest lover to fill me up.

Just Do it!

I'm determined to continue to document this journey; especially as I continue to wait.

As I sit on ponder the whole idea of "waiting" I'm reminded how different this concept is from the world's perspective vs. God's perspective.

The world says...

- You can't get a homerun if you don't step up to the plate.

- Just Do It!

- If you want it, just go after it!

I'm sure I could go on and on, but I'm sure you get the idea...

With these messages that shout in my head, trusting in the messages of wait, sure are getting harder to ignore.

But after considering God's word & His plan, there are many realities about how waiting to "get what you want" actually is better.

Let's consider the following:

- A chicken must sit on her egg, waiting for her little one to be ready to come out to greet the world. If she helps him along by pecking through the delicate egg, he won't be developed appropriately to be able to be healthy.

- David had to wait through decades & a whole series of events to challenge his faith in God before he became King. But after all the things he went through he is known and the Man after God's own heart. He believed & trusted God and was richly rewarded.

Today, I had to be reminded that it's always better wait till God tells me which direction to take, instead of distrusting Him by taking my own path. He promises to light the way, but I have to be seeking Him out and trying locate His soft voice.

The words the brought me much comfort today...

Psalm 130:5-6
I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait, And in His word do I hope.
My soul waits for the Lord,
More than the watchmen for the morning

Taking Strong Steps to Face Giants

What is a Giant?
I suppose my first thought is someone or something that is considerably taller than me.
What about Fear?
If I think about all of the "Giants" in my life that generate "fear" I could probably give you an extensive list of things.

• Not being _____ enough (insert anything; pretty, skinny, athletic, smart, etc.)
• Timing obstacles
• I'm too _______ (insert things such as; annoying, childlike, etc.)

These are just a few things that cause fear in my head, specifically when trying to figure out my dating situation.

God keeps speaking to me about Giants & Steps of Faith.

David & Goliath is probably one of the greatest (and most talked about) biblical stories. Here is this young boy (probably in his teens) who hears about this Philistine (who is HUGE, & HAIRY!) who keeps putting the name of God down. David, who was just bringing food or water or something to his brother who is on the front lines of a battle, hears about the "reward" a man might receive if he were to defeat this HUGE (& HAIRY) Giant. He steps up to "take care" of this Philistine. But it's not the "how" he defeats the Giant that moves my heart in this story (though that's miraculous too), but rather the FAITH & BELIEF that he had. Was he afraid? Maybe. Or maybe he believed God enough to take that step & sling that stone. He believed that HIS God was big enough to use him to accomplish His plan.

Another story of such faith is with the Isrealites.
Just as they were getting ready to cross the Jordan (after having to wander in the desert for 40 years due to unbelief) they were asked to take a HUGE step of faith. You see, when they were getting ready to cross the river, it was flood stage - proabably about 10 feet deep. They were not at a point of the river that even had a gradual step. It was one big step. So God told them to step into the Jordan & the waters would be cut off.
The "giant" they truly faced was whether they believed God enough to take that step of faith. Two outcomes were possible:

1. God was to be believed and the water would stop rushing in.
2. They would be taken down the river with the current & maybe even die.

How many times have you been in that situation where God has commanded you to do something & then He would reveal His glory to you? In this situation, which road did you take? The "easy" well-planned road? or the true leap of faith into the Jordan?

Today, as I write this, I am hoping to fully take that leap of faith and Believe that all the things He's been speaking to me is true. That He will take all of the plans that I hope for into His hands and display His glory in the midst of my believing.

Won't you take this step with me? Believe God.

Hope

Hope...This is one of those "Christianease" words that people use.

You might see it hanging over someone's fireplace: "Faith! Hope! Love!"
A response when there are no other words to use: "You've gotta put your HOPE in Jesus!"

If I were to ask you to define it, what you would say?

Wikipedia says:

It is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in
one's life. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events
will turn out for the best...

When used in a religious context, hope...being aware of what Christians see as spiritual "truth". It is not a physical emotion but a spiritual grace. Hope is
distinct from positive thinking, which refers to a therapeutic or systematic
process used in psychology for reversing pessimism. The term false hope refers
to a hope based entirely around a fantasy or an extremely unlikely outcome.

Let me bring you over to a story in John 11. It's about our buddy Lazarus & his sisters Mary & Martha.


Character Background:

• Mary was the one who poured her expensive purfume over Jesus's feet.


• Mary & Martha had Jesus over to their home and served him food


• Jesus loved each of these sibilings.

Lazarus was sick & dying. Jesus knew it. He stayed put. But said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." Not only did he not immediately get up and begin the journey to seeing them, but he WAITED two more days!

Then Jesus said something wise (something about travelling in the daylight where you won't stumble versus night where it's easy to get tripped up) and insisted that he and the disciples would travel back to Judea. His reasoning was that his friend, Lazarus, was "asleep", and he was simply going to go wake him up.

Now, the wording John uses or rather the words Jesus spoke seems quite...mundane compared to the actual actions he was going to take. Maybe he was just downplaying the situation, to keep them unalarmed?

I could keep going with the story, but the part of the story I want to get to is the fact that when Jesus arrived, Lazarus was dead, the sisters were upset:

• Martha had ultimate HOPE that in the last day their brother would be resurrected, and
• Mary came and crumbled at Jesus' feet crying to him that her brother would have not died if he had been there.

The bible says that Jesus was deeply moved - even to the point of weeping himself. And in response to all the weeping he did with the sisters and the others who were sad about Lazuarus, he said:

"Did I not tell you that if you BELIEVED, you would see the glory of God?"

And with that statement, Lazuarus was alive again.

So as God brought this story to me 3 times this last week, it seems that what I need to take from it is HOPE. That God can even resurrect a dead person right there on the spot, that He can also take a "hopeless" situation and bring new light to it.

Hope cannot be placed in the thing you're longing for: a spouse, a child, a job, a sale/purchase of a home - but rather place your Hope (and believe) that He will take the hopeless situation and bring goodness to it.

Father God,
Thank you waiting for Lazurus to die. Thank you that You desired your greatest glory to be revealed in bringing him back to life. When the things of this world seem so uncertain and so final I pray that we sink into the hope you offer us and hope for the glory to be revealed in the midst of our struggles. It is through our suffering that you change us to be more like you, and it is through hope that keeps us sane. May you help us to place our hope in the outcomes you have planned and not focus on hoping for the things we want.

Praise you for the resurrection of Lazurus, and for YOUR resurrection so that we who BELIEVE can be resurrected on that day too.
Amen.

In Memory...

On January 28th, 2009, my best friend of 15 years went to Kitty Heaven. I've gone through a series of struggles over the past several weeks as I've been challenged to truly trust & believe God in all of his plans.

Winnie has been my roommate, co-worker, best friend, keeper of secrets & tissue box for the past 15 years. I'm 30 - so do the math.... As I begun to learn that her days were not going to extend much longer, I have struggled with understanding God's larger plan for the animals that we have loved. They don't have souls, and were not given the same type of redemption as we were.

I've been learning to lean into the belief that God loves all of his creation the same. He rules over all creation (birds of the sky, beasts of the field) - but has given us free will. But for Winnie, God has ordained much about her life.

No one can truly explain what Heaven will be like and how we will recognize our loved ones, or if our pets will join us there or not - but as an Elisabeth Elliot devotional states:

The Bible does not speak specifically of the destiny of animals but there is a
promise in the Letter to the Ephesians which surely must include them,
"Everything that exists in heaven or earth shall find its perfection and
fulfillment in Christ" (Eph. 1:10 Phillips).
Paul expresses his hope in the
eighth chapter of Romans (verse 21 Phillips) "that in the end the whole of
created life will be rescued from the tyranny of change and decay, and have its
share in that magnificent liberty which can only belong to the children of God!"

I can see some of the blessings that this suffering has produced (evidence of God's grace, thoughtfully placed vacation time, sunny skies, etc.)

So in memory of my dearly beloved...

Oh, to be an Issac's Rebekah

Since I share the name of one of the greatest bible heros in all time, I have always been drawn to the story of how Sarah came to be pregnant with Issac.. Sarah had to wait for a LONG time receive the blessing of a child. Though, admittedly, I haven't looked much past the fulfillment of her desire.

However, this week, God has opened up my heart and spoken out about Genesis 24. (I suppose that when God brings the same set of verses forward three days in a row to my attention, I should probably listen, huh?)

Abraham had grown old and it was nearing time that he would be passing all that God had blessed him with onto his oldest son, Issac. At the ripe age of 40, he was still not married. So, Abraham sent out a servant to his homeland, to find a wife for Issac.

The servant was to recognize the woman that God had planned for Issac by a simple phrase that she would speak & followed by an action:

12 Then he prayed, "O LORD, God of my master Abraham, give me success today, and show kindness to my master Abraham. 13 See, I am standing beside this spring,
and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water. 14 May it be
that when I say to a girl, 'Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,'
and she says, 'Drink, and I'll water your camels too'-let her be the one you
have chosen for your servant Isaac. By this I will know that you have shown
kindness to my master."

Immediately as he was finishing praying, Rebekah came out to gather some water, and responded exactly the way the servant had prayed.

As I took at what is said about her, she was:

• Beautiful (vs. 16)
• A Virgin (vs. 16)
• Generous (vs 18; she quickly gave him water when he asked)
• Compassionate (vs 19; she also gave water to the horse)

But, the question is, was this brought to my attention to reflect on HER character, or on GOD's character in this match being made?

The servant prayed that God would make this journey a success. He brought his request before God before even going out to look for a woman. His heart was open to find the RIGHT woman for Issac. This servant knew that God would bring the right woman, because of the faith that his master, Abraham, had displayed:

'The LORD, before whom I have walked, will send his angel with you and make your
journey a success...' (vs. 40)

God CAN be trusted. He wants to give only His best (in all situations). He has promised to provide help in the journey. The revelation of this small chapter in the past week has been enough of a reminder that He has given me comfort and confirmation that continuing to wait for His best is the path to continue on.

Maybe the best lesson to take from this Genesis 24 passage is that we are encouraged to pray silently, and to watch quietly as we continue walking down the path towards His will. 'Cause afterall, the Servant prayed silently for his need, and watched quietly as Rebekah completed the tasks he had prayed for.

Father God,
Thank you for bringing scripture and confirming it. Though, through such tough times as Valentine's Day bringing the constant reminder of "singleness", you have promised that we are not alone. I pray for my future. You know the things I ask for, and I am believing that you are working out your plan, and you only want to bring me the best.
All praise and honor to You!

Character development

Often I have moments where I sit and contemplate the characteristics that I bring into relationships with others. I'll ask questions about how ready I actually am to be able to enter into a lifelong relationship with another:

• "Do I have what it takes to be a mom or wife?"
• "Am I patient enough to love another person(s) unconditionally?"
• "Will I ever be willing to give up my wants for the sake of anothers needs?"

These are some of the things that have crossed my mind over the past several years as I have walked down this journey. I sometimes pride myself for being reflective to where I can see my faults and justify why I'm still walking without a spouse beside me. But something has been on my mind over the past couple of weeks trying to make sense about some of the challenges/discouragements/disappointments that I have gone through over the past year or so. It's the truth that God will never give you more than you can handle. (I Corinthians 10:13)


What if I really can't handle being a wife or a mother? Maybe I don't have the ability to be self-less enough?


Romans 5 says, "And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

Is hope really found through suffering to grow our perseverance which develops our character? Is this hope really to have all of these things to ultimately have God glorified through our lives?


If it is true that God will never give us more than we can handle,
And we long to have God glorified through us;
Should we fight the times of suffering?


Each one of us goes through different periods of suffering. Some who have gone through slight times of discouragements/periods of suffering may want to dismiss your struggles and over simplify them. Don't let their words discourage you.

I'm certainly learning that I might have a lot of Character Development that needs to ocurr to have God most glorified through my life or even to prepare me for another work He wants to use me for. Maybe it's even the periods of struggle that He is using to being glorified. Ultimately, if God will be most glorified through my singleness or in my marriage - that is what He is going to choose.


Father God,
Thank you that you don't want to leave us the same. Thank you for the times of challenges that you present in each of our lives. Thank you that they bring us to a place of utter dependence on you. I praise you for the character that you are developing in my life. I continue to ask that You would continue to reveal Your glory in our lives as we go about serving You and finding our place in Your Kingdom.

May we rejoice in the hope of your glory.

Looking behind to see where you are going

It certainly seems like a bizzare thought to look behind you to see where you are going, but it is something worth considering. The past couple of years I have begun using small little spiral bound booklets to write down thoughts of what God was teaching me & the prayers I have been praying. I am hoping that these journals will hold up and my children & grandchildren will have opportunity to learn from the things that God has taught to me.



So let's add to those lessons of learning.



1. God does not need man to accomplish His purposes

• a. Adam fell into a "deep sleep" & God created the woman suitable for him. (I don't think that Adam TOLD God who or what he was looking for)


• b. God opened up Sarah's womb & she became pregnant.

Lesson: God does not need ANY of my "help" to accomplish his plans. I can make it easier on myself by obeying, but no need to actually help him...



2. "...after every earthly reason for hope was completely dead..." God fulfilled the promise of a child for Sarah & Abraham.



Lesson: (Isn't this one self-explanatory?)

-From the book "Twelve Extraordinary Women" by John MacAruthur

So as I look back at the things God has taught me in the past few months...I have learned that I need to go forward without using my past to measure my future. God's plan will continue without my help & my hope needs not be in earthly things but wholly & completely in HIM.



This is not a new lesson, but it's truly time to stop mistrusting Him. He's got it all under control. My hope is that you will see His faithfulness in your life.



Father God,

Thank you so much for all of the patience you give me when I continue to let you down. Your grace is more than I could ever ask for. I'm asking you for strength to move forward in Your truths & let You bless me in the ways You've chosen. Your grace is truly enough. Help remind me of this when the challenges come. I love you for all that you do.

Amen

Waiting - (what else?)

I have been in a period of waiting (any long time reader would not be surprised at this) and have been desperately asking God for a "No". I would prefer a "Yes", but I was even praying for a "No" just for a resolution to my hearts desire/angst. As I was pleading for God to respond - instead of continuing with the "wait" - I was deeply reminded of Romans 9:

But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? "Shall what is formed say to him
who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?'

Translation: Why are you asking for a No, when I have told you to wait? What if I want to say Yes, but now is not the time?

I have also been reminded in recent weeks about the Isrealites complaint to God which kept them wandering the desert for 40 years. In Deuteronomy 1 it says:

...[They} grumbled in [their] tents and said, "The LORD hates us; so he brought us out of Egypt to deliver us into the hands of the Amorites to destroy us. ...

Then God said, "... The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes...In spite of this, you did not trust in the LORD your God, who went ahead of you on your journey ... to show you the way you should go. When the LORD heard what you said, he was angry and solemnly swore: "Not a man of this evil generation shall see the good land I swore to give your forefathers..."

So what now? God has clearly said to me, "wait". I keep pleading with him that a No (Egypt) would be better than a Yes (Isreal) if Wait (wandering in the desert towards Isreal) is my answer. Are the recent developments a response to my grumbling?

So again, I ask, What now?

There is hope...Jesus.
The Isrealites didn't have Jesus. God was disgusted by their hearts and their distrust. He punished them. However, Jesus took this punishment for me. No, this doesn't mean that I need to keep sinning so that Jesus can take the brunt of the punsihment, but I don't need to be in fear that God is not on my side. He has the best plans laid aside for me. I can not be afraid that God will banish me to the Desert for 40 years. His word says that His mercies are new every morning. Today is new day.

Sabbaths - A time to rest in God's presence

Happy Sunday to you!
To some people, this is a day of rest from work, chores, etc. Some people look forward to Sunday's for a day to nap, read or just relax. Though, many of us refrain from actually finding time to take a Sabbath. We keep up with the same busy, hectic schedule every day of the week; never taking much time out to rest.

I was doing my devotions today and came across some verses leading up to how Jesus chose his 12 Apostles.

Luke 6:12-15
One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God.

The section just before this was talking about Jesus being criticized by the Pharisees by healing and "harvesting" (small grains of wheat) on the Sabbath. Then the chapter continues into how He went about deciding the 12. Is this a coincidence? Who knows. I'm not a true bible scholar, but it got me thinking about what the Sabbath really should be about; or better yet how I can be better prepared to be ready for the events of the day & coming week.

How often do I consider taking time out to Pray to God for an extended timeframe? Is this considered rest for me? Or would watching TV or playing on the internet or shopping all be considered my rest period?

Jesus went to a mountainside to pray. He then spent the entire night praying to God!! The fruit of this time was his selection of the apostles. Do you think He just prayed about the 12? Who knows. But I think the lesson to take is that we need to be rested up to be able to be obedient to God & available to serve Him. And the only way to accomplish this is to take large quantities of time out of our busy schedule to spend with Him. It's not about the doing - (not just one more thing to check off the list) - but the fact that Jesus spent HOURS praying with God. This was quite possibly His Sabbath. His time of rest.

Father God,
Thank you for your word to be a tool that speaks so closely to my heart. When you speak, I know that I need to listen. Help me to take that time to speak with you, glean your truths & to allow you to fill me up so that I can be ready to step out and serve you.